Thursday, December 29, 2005

NEW HAMPSHIRE--Hamster Density State

We're going to New Hampshire tomorrow to visit our friends Eric and Paulette for New Year's, as well as Mr. Shortly and several others. Eric and Paulette have told us a lot about New Hampshire, a state we've never visited. Here are some of the things we've learned.

* Due to hot springs, the area is very warm during the winter months and we should bring our Bermuda shorts.

* New Hampshire has more hamsters per capita than any state in the U.S. Many hamster-pelt products can be bought by the roadside.

* Hedgehogs are a common sight in people's George Foreman grills. They grow hedgepigs big in New Hampshire--as big as real pigs. They cause accidents on the roads.

* The standard form of greeting in NH is to walk up to someone and say, "Up yer butt," which apparently refers to an old battle during the Civil War.

* Beer has no calories in New Hampshire.

* Every day is Squid Day.

* The snow in NH tastes like cinnamon!

* There are no reality shows in New Hampshire.

* Bears love it when you run at them with shovels.

We're really looking forward to it!!!!

See you in the new year, when I'll post more music lists, interviews, etc. And thanks for reading.

I do wonder a bit why Eric asked us to bring mosquito netting. I understand why we should bring the Penguin Phat, though.



At 10:15 PM, Blogger Joe Crow said...

Well, I live about 20 feet from the New Hampshire border, and I can say without reservation that every thing your friend told you is completely and utterly true. The hedgehogs, though, aren't actually native to the region. They were brought in about 20 years ago to control the burgeoning hamster population, hedgehogs being the natural predator of the hampster. Unfortunately, overhunting in the late 1800's had exterminated the NH native hedgehog population, and resulted in a hampster population explosion. At one point, you could barely drive on the backwoods roads without skidding out of control on splattered hampster corpses. But then they imported a few breeding pairs of Nicaraguan hedgehogs to bring the hampster population back under control, with mixed results. Unfortunately, the Nicaraguan hedgehog grows much larger than the old NH breed ever did, and now the foreign hedgehogs have become nearly as much of a menace as the hampsters they prey upon.

They do taste good, when basted in cinnamon snow, though. Be sure and ask for some cinnamon snow basted hedgehog at any local diner. It's something of a local trademark.

At 7:14 AM, Anonymous Eric Schaller said...

You forgot to mention the maple syrup. As a New Englander, we are obliged by local law to mention maple syrup in any conversation or letter with out-of-staters. We are to state for example: (1) man oh man is that maple syrup ever good, how can anyone live without it on their pancakes; (2) maple syrup makes a great candy when drizzled over cinnamon snow; (3) maple syrup mixed with a little Coca-cola makes is the perfect barbeque sauce for basting hamsters or hedgehogs...

At 8:54 AM, Blogger Cheryl said...

The reason that bears react so well to shovels is that they mistake them for lacrosse sticks. Although generally credited to the native peoples of North America, lacrosse was in fact invented by bears who later taught the game to humans. Note that in the human version of the game the stick has a net at the end, but in the bear version a plain shovel is used. This is because bears prefer to play the game with hedgehogs rather than balls, and if you use a human-style stick the spines of the hedgehog tend to get stuck in it.

Note also that the passion of bears for lacrosse does nto seem to have crossed to the west coast. If you wave a shovel at a Californian bear it is likely to mistake you for a gold miner and try to rob you whilst mutteringly darkly about the cost of salmon fishing permits and the need for a Libertarian governor who will let bears go back to being bears rather than forcing them to live up to cute Hollywood standards for bear behavior.

At 2:43 PM, Anonymous Nick Mamatas said...

New Hampshire drools, Vermont RULES!


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