Thursday, December 21, 2006


Having done quite a bit of pirate submission reading, here are some things I never want to see again, even though some of the stories they manifested themselves in overcame the cliche.

- Gulls wheeling. Gulls flapping their wings. Gulls doing anything.

- Captains of Her Majesty's navy who have doctor sidekicks and the great relationship they have together (platonic).

- Dead pirate captains cursed to wander the seas in their ghost ships, scaring the shit out of people.

- References to Peter Pan and Captain Hook.

- Burly men and willin' women.

- Arrr. Listen close. For a pint o' grog I'll tell ye a story. Arrr.

- The passing of gas out of proportion to any other element of the story.

Seriously, though, most submissions have required a very close reading and we're having a lot of fun.



At 1:38 PM, Blogger Jason Erik Lundberg said...

Working on my submission now.

At 1:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha! You mean like

As the gulls wheeled overhead, Rankin, the captain's favorite doctor, a burly sort, wrestled with the dead pirate captain over the charms of a willin' woman while passing gas as a defensive maneuver and thinking of his days as a lost boy.


At 2:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

He he! ;-)

How about giant mutated seagulls who are also pirates?

Buccaneer gulls, with eyepatches... of course, seagulls don't have much in the way of shoulders that a parrot can perch on, but a tiny monkey on a leash will do.


At 11:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

At 8:36 PM, Anonymous Jeff Parish said...

oops...well, I'll keep that in mind in the future.

First thing we'll do, we'll kill all the seagulls

At 7:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, mentioning seagulls is a minor, minor offense that would never affect a decision on a story. But it is funny that almost every story we've received includes "wheeling gulls".


At 8:36 PM, Anonymous Jeff Parish said...

I guess I like using them because they were my first real introduction to the Texas Gulf Coast when I moved to Galveston for about a year. I knew I was someplace different when I got out of my truck to pump gas and heard/saw gulls flying around overhead.

At 8:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seagulls? We don't need no stinkin' seagulls.

As for them wheeling, what's West (BG) Virginia got to do with piratical adverturing anyway?

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