Wednesday, April 12, 2006


As everyone should know by now, R. Scott Bakker and I have been friends for a long time. We first met near Samarkand in 1987, where he was researching a little-known warrior sect and I was deciphering evidence of a vast body of water where now there naught but desert. It was my hope to prove that cephalopods of a freshwater variety had once claimed the area as their uncontested domain. Oddly, Bakker’s research and mine coincided when he deciphered some long-buried cuneiform about his warrior sect as “squid heads”. At once we decided to split up our findings—he would use the warrior sect angle as the foundation of his nascent series of heroic fantasy novels and I would focus on the consequences of squid when injected into fiction. I believe he thought back then that I’d gotten the better part of the deal, but there seemed no other way to be fair.

A rather fanciful rendering by a passing expert at etchings of my meeting with R. Scott Bakker in the Congo. This particular artist, Buckwaldo Mudthumper III, depicted everything in terms of the missionary David Livingstone’s exploits, alas.

The second time we met, it was on opposite sides of a tribal struggle in the Republic of Congo, about the time Redmond O’Hanlon wrote his classic No Mercy. By the 1990s, the middle of Africa was a political mess. With no choice but to acquiesce, we each at the same time agreed to serve as mercenary muscle for different villages in the interior. So it was that whilst engaged in a fire fight across a damp bit of creek that I saw a familiar face through the scope of my submachine gun and shouted out, “Scott! Is that you? It’s Jeff! Remember the squid?!” Mercifully, he did, as he was at that moment aiming a grenade launcher at me. Our resultant meeting was fortuitous in that we managed to patch things up between both villages. The military force that arose from that encounter was strong enough to bring us to the capital, and then onto a plane secretly chartered by the CIA back to our respective countries for a rather sound debriefing.

I’m afraid our third meeting was anti-climactic. At the 2003 World Fantasy Convention, we were on a panel together about “the death of SF,” a subject we knew nothing about. Instead of talking about it we recalled our meeting with a CIA operative named “Brandy Wine” who told us, while flying back to the West, that several supposedly dead SF writers had been abducted by the CIA and were having their “brain juices” analyzed for any possible future-telling ability applicable to various regional conflicts across the globe. After that, we had a rum-and-coke together, lit up some smuggled Cuban cigars, and closed the night out with a rousing chorus of “Hey Nonny Nonny” from the roof of the fine establishment that housed the convention.

Our recent “tiff” (cooked up by our mutual publicist, I.C. Noureesen) aside, I have not seen Scott since, so I thought it would be a good idea to interview him as to his literary exploits. His fixation with warrior sects has gotten him far indeed, as Publishers Weekly notes:

In the shattering climax to Canadian author Bakker's magnificent fantasy saga (after 2005's The Warrior-Prophet), the Holy War army has finally reached the gates of the holy city of Shimeh. The warrior-prophet, Anasûrimbor Kellhus, learns that the Thousandfold Thought, a great "transition rule" that promises to transform the two warring faiths of Inrithism and Fanimry, offers the only way to bring peace to the world of Eärwa and avoid a Second Apocalypse...A large and varied supporting cast of heroes and scoundrels add further emotional realism. The Prince of Nothing trilogy is a work of unforgettable power.

You can buy his books in the UK and the US

Scott was thoughtful enough to reply via email rather than the stone tablet postcards that have been our little joke on the postal service for the past twenty years (making this process much faster).

R. Scott Bakker Walks the Plank

Why should readers pick up your book as opposed to, say, just about anybody else's book?
The obvious answer is that I get a slice of every dime they spend, whereas if they purchase, say, your books, I don't see a red cent. The not-so-obvious answer is that I could be writing what they're looking for. If your imagination was scarred by Tolkien, yet you feel as though you're 'out-growing' the genre, or otherwise suffering epic fantasy fatigue, then there's a good chance that I have the book for you. I take the EPIC part quite seriously.

Does your book have any socially redeeming qualities? If so, what are they?
Many people seem to think my books are sexist. Some people think them wantonly violent and nihilistic. Others blasphemous. I happen to think they have social value precisely because they provoke people to debate these things. But one of the creepiest facets about getting published is the realization that you really don't control the meaning of your works anymore, that post composition, the writer really becomes just one more reader, one more perspective. This is why people should call me to account on questions of social value. I'm just another interpreter, just as liable to be wrong. And I take risks.

Does your book have any medicinal or mental health value to readers?
I've received correspondance from the world over from people thanking me for the way these books have loosened their bowels. Apparently in Poland, where I'm huge, sales of the Metamucil have plunged 16.7%. These books literally make people shit. Out with the bad, I say.

On the flip side, a lot of people seem to take up smoking after reading them. Here in Canada, where I'm pretty big, the number of illegal 'grow-ops' has increased some 59% since The Darkness That Comes Before was released.

Some shit is good.

Assume your book has been filed under "Ages 8 to 12" in the children's section, perhaps by mistake, perhaps not. How horrified do you imagine a child would be after reading your book, and why? How many years of therapy would the child take to recover from the experience?
Not all trauma involves horror. Kids tend to be pretty stupid. I mean, they don't even know how to drive. You can't even leave them alone without locking them up, or paying someone to guard them. The vast majority of them actually believe in things like 'Santa Claus' or - get this - the 'tooth fairy.' That tells me that they're simply not rational, and if they're not rational, there's no saying how they would react. For all I know they would giggle all the way through my books.

(My wife gets mad at me when I talk like this, but I don't see what the worry is. What are they going to do? Beat me up? Kids are not only stupid, they're also pretty wimpy. I could take 20, maybe 30 of them at least. More if I had weapons.)

But one thing's for sure, even if they laughed, they would never recover. Necrophilic gods. Homosexual barbarians. Masturbating skin-spies. These things would be tattooed into their psyche, so deeply they could end up voting for Ralph Nader when they grow up.

Why don't you write more about cute stuff? Why all the drama?
'Cute,' as they say, is in the eye of the beer holder. Obviously your hand is empty. My books are packed with cuteness. I just use all the murder and mayhem for contrast, you know, to really make it special. I mean, really, what does a flower mean in a floral shop? Graveyards are where all the real work is done - in both senses of the word.

If no one buys your book and you are unable to continue publishing your fiction due to the intense vilification that occurs in the media, what line of work will you go into?


At 12:37 PM, Blogger Neth said...

So exactly at what point was Kum Ba Ya sung?

At 2:11 PM, Blogger Larry Nolen said...

I almost shit in my pants while reading this! Great stuff, the two of you! But I'm still waiting for the final definitive connection (connexion?) between the squid-heads and the presumed 'death' of SF. Should I still be holding my breath for that?

At 12:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well Done Jeff! ( Can I call you Jeff?:p)

Very well done indeed. I do belive I shal make an effort to find and read your books now :) Cheers

At 1:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is terrible, just terrible! While you two were fighting I felt the world was somehow safe. But now that the squid and the warrior sect have joined forces, who can stand against them? Who will speak for the peaceful men and women who don't really like seafood (especially that weird stuff with tentacles)?

We're doomed - DOOMED, I tell you!

At 2:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not important -

Tht top amazon cover pic of 'The Thousandfold Thought' is absolutely terrible. It looks like Grey Cap feces (Which doesn't imply Jeff shitted on Scott - or does it??!! Do grey caps have feces?) I have thought that for months when trying to pimp the books myself, and wanted to use that cover to post. In reality these cover treatments are absolutely class.

At 6:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, that's true Joe.


At 8:42 AM, Blogger William Lexner said...

A couple of points:

-I agree with Jay. What a horrible rendition of The Thousandfold Thought.

-Scott, I hate how you always say things I can't understand. Stop that.

-Jeff, you need to read Scott's work. If for no other reason than its bloody criminal it has yet to be even nominated for an award. Since you're Mr. Big Shot WFC Judge and all...

At 10:47 AM, Blogger Neth said...

hmm...I suppose I'll do my duty and alert Jeff and Scott to a potential threat to their work on squid heads.

At 10:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well done, guys. Nice to see that each handshake is as firm as ever, and that each cheek has been thoroughly exposed for a damn good slapping turned it guys. Congrats. Yep, turned it good and proper, like.

I love happy endings. (wipes away tear). Aaaahhh...

At 6:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks, Sean.

Warren--I can't comment on the WF Award process this year. All I can say is that historically the second and third books of series have fared poorly because they're not seen as complete in and of themselves.


At 11:55 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

Thanks for the

Click here

Click here

Click here

Click here

Click here

Click here

سعودي انحراف

شات عسلي

سعودي كول

At 1:14 PM, Blogger mohmed said...

شركة مكافحة حشرات بجازان
في شركة القائد نقدم خدمتنه في شركة مكافحة حشرات بجازان ياتي الصيف وترداد درجه الحراره تكوم الحشرات
شركة متقدمة عن اى شركة اخرى التميز عندنا غير محدود ولا نهاية له اتصل نصل
شركة تسليك مجارى بالرياض

At 5:27 PM, Blogger شركه المناره said...

شركة مكافحة حشرات بالخبر
شركتنا من افضل واقدم الشركات في مجال مكافحه جميع انواع الحشرات المرئيه والغير مرئيه ولديها خبره عاليه في اباده الحشرات بجميع انواعها وتستخدم اقوي المبيدات العاليه والمسرح بها من وزاره الصحه حفاظا منا علي صحه وسلامه الانسان والبيئه المحيطه بها
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالقطيف
نقوم برش المبيدات بالمنزل دون مغادرة اهل المنزل
تقوم شركة المناره بالقضاء علي الحشرات نهائيا
نضمن لك عدم رجوع الحشرات الي منزلك مره اخري
شركة رش مبيدات بالخبر

بادروا بالحصول علي اقوي العروض و الخدمات من شركة المنارة
شركة مكافحة صراصير بالمدينة المنورة تعتمد علي افضل فريق متخصص في التعامل مع كافة الحشرات
بأستخدام اقوي المبيدات الامريكية و الالمانية
شركة المنارة تضمن لكم منزل امن خالي من اي حشرات
شركة رش مبيدات بالقطيف

شركة المناره تمتلك عمالة محترفة لتنظيف وتعقيم خزانات المياه بجميع انواع سواء بلاستيك او خراسنية
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالخبر
شركة المنارة لتنظيف الخزانات بالقطيف تقدم لكم افضل المدربين المتميزين في استخدام افضل الالات والمعدات الحديثه لاتمام عملية تنظيف الخزانات في المنشات والمنازل وغبرها من الاماكن التى قد يتواجد فيها الخزانات تحت اشراف فنيين متميزين
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالقطيف
عزيزي العميل نعلم ان وقتك ثمين فنقدم لك افضل شركة تنظيف
خدمات التنظيف من الخدمات المهمة التي يجب القيام بها من حين لاخر
نقوم بتنظيف الشقق والفلل والمنازل
بافضل الادوات والاجهزة الحديثة
نقوم بتنظيف المجالس والموكيت والستائر وجميع المفروشات
شركة تنظيف بالخبر
فنحن نقوم بالاتفاق مع العميل حسب متطلباته وحجم البيت ولا يتم دفع المال الا بعد التاكد من الحصول على النظافه المطلوبه مع اعطاء اطلاله جديده وبراقه على ايدى احد مهندسى الديكور
شركة تنظيف بالقطيف

من هنا يمكننا ان ننوه عن شركة تنظيف بالرياض و التي توفر الكثير من الخدمات و المميزات الخاصه بمدينة الرياض مثل
المنازل و غيرها فالهدف الاول ه راحة العملاء و اكتساب ثقتهم مهما تكلف الامر مع ضمان جودة الخدمات المقدمه و سرعة انجازها بكل سهوله شركة تنظيف بالرياض و امان و على احدث و افضل الاساليب
كما نقدم كم افضل شركة تنظيف بالرياض شركة المناره
شركة تنظيف بالرياض

At 6:00 PM, Blogger el dosoky said...

شركة شمس الرياض للخدمات المنزليه بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بالرياض
افضل شركة تنظيف بالرياض
ارخص شركة تنظيف بالرياض
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض
ارخص شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض
افضل شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض
شركة تنظيف منازل بالرياض
افضل شركة تنظيف منازل بالرياض
ارخص شركة تنظيف منازل بالرياض
شركة تنظيف شقق بالرياض
افضل شركة تنظيف شقق بالرياض
ارخص شركة تنظيف شقق بالرياض
شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض
افضل شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض
ارخص شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض

At 8:49 AM, Blogger سونجول said...

شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض 0500091013 ارخص شركة نقل عفش – إدارة سعودية
شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض الرياض فضل شركة نقل عفش بالرياض هي أفضل جهة يمكنك الاعتماد عليها والوثوق بها في نقل أثاثك ، مهما كبر الحجم أو بعدت المسافة ، أثاثك آمن في كل الأحوال ووقتك مدخر وجهدك محفوظ ، وأسعار تناسبك
توفر لكم فريق عمل من المتخصصين علي اعلي مستوي من درجات الخبرة في مجال نقل الاثاث وذلك لانها دائما تسعي الي تحقيق اعلي معدلات الامان لعملائها في حماية متعلقاتهم الشخصية واغراضهم الثميينة حتي تتم عملية النقل بكل امان وتسعي الي تحقيق اهدافكم في الوصول الي مستوي خدمي يليق بكم .
شركات النقل في الرياض
شركات النقل في الرياض
نقل الاثاث يعتبر من اصعب المهام التي من الممن ان تواجه معظمنا سواء المغتربين او من يقوم بتأسيس منزله
او من ينتقل لمكان اخر او من يدد عقشه
فشركة نقل الاثاث بالرياض هي شركة رائده وكبيره وذات خبره لسنوات عديده في هذا المجال
فالشركة تعمل بهذا المجال منذ سنين ولديها فريق عمل متكامل ذو خبرة وكفاءة عاليه في خدمة نقل الاثاث
افضل شركة تخزين عفش بالرياض
وايضا الشركة تسعى دائما لتطوير نفسها وتطلع دائما لاي تقنيه او اله حديثه تدخل هذا المجال
فلدى الشركه جميع الادوات والالات والتقنيات الحديثة التي تسهل مهمه نقل الاثاث بسهوله ودون
حدوث اية اضرار او خدوش او كسور
فالشركه تسعى دائما لارضاء عملائها وتوفر لها جميع اساليب الواصل بأريحيه
ودون تأخير وتلبية طلباتكم بأسرع وقت دون الانتظار وتدريب فريق العمل على كيفية التعامل مع العملاء

نقل اثاث بالرياض
[URL=]نقل اثاث بالرياض[/URL]

At 2:00 PM, Blogger عبير القحطان said...

شركة كشف تسربات المياه بجدة العلم التنفيذي والعمل الإبداعي مع افضل شركة كشف ... تؤدي التغيرات المفاجئة التي تحدث في مجال كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض إلى بضعة ... تتمتع مؤسسة الحرمــين شركة كشف تسربات المياه بمكه بالحصول على شهادات ...

شركه كشف تسربات المياه بحائل

شركه كشف تسربات المياه بالقصيم

شركه كشف تسربات المياه بالباحة

شركه كشف تسربات المياه بالطائف

شركة كشف تسرب المياه بالاحساء

شركه كشف تسربات المياه بجدة

شركه كشف تسربات المياه بمكة

At 12:21 PM, Blogger mohamed mohsen said...

نقل عفش بالرياض

شركة تمديد غاز بالرياض

عزل خزانات بالرياض

كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض

تسليك مجارى بالرياض

افضل شركة عزل فوم بالرياض

افضل شركة تنسيق حدائق بحفر الباطن

شركة شفط بيارات بحفر الباطن

نقل عفش بحفر الباطن

رقم سباك بحفر الباطن

افضل شركة مكافحة حشرات بحفر الباطن

افضل شركة كشف تسربات المياه بحفر الباطن

شركة عزل خزانات بحفر الباطن

شركة عزل اسطح بحفر الباطن

افضل شركة تنظيف بحفر الباطن

شركة المنزل النظيف بحفر الباطن

شركة تسليك مجارى بحفر البطان

At 12:26 PM, Blogger mohamed mohsen said...

شركة رش مبيدات بالقصيم

شركة مكافحة حشرات بالقصيم

نقل العفش بالقصيم

افضل شركة عزل خزانات بجازان

شركة عزل خزانات بالطائف

عزل اسطح بجدة

كشف تسربات المياه بمكة

كشف تسربات المياه بالطائف

نقل اثاث بجدة

نقل اثاث بالرياض

شراء اثاث مستعمل بالرياض

شراء اثاث مستعمل بالدمام

شركة تنظيف بالقصيم

شركة تسليك مجارى بالقصيم

شركة تنظيف خزانات بالقصيم

شركة تنظيف مجالس بالقصيم

شركة تنظيف مكيفات بالقصيم

At 2:18 PM, Blogger نانا الطيب said...

تركيب حجر فرعني

شركه كشف تسربات المياه بجدة

شركه كشف تسربات المياه بمكة

شركه عزل فوم بالرياض

شركه عزل فوم بالدمام

At 2:06 PM, Blogger نانا الطيب said...

شركه عزل فوم بالرياض


Post a Comment

<< Home